Thirty-Nine: Return to Render

Sam the Renderer – or “Sam Render” as I prefer to call him – has returned. He’s cheerfully whistling “Seventeen Going Under”, presumably relating to the number of weeks that have passed since he started the job of rendering the outside of The Shack. I’m very pleased with the particular monicker I’ve given him, and I wonder if the ensuing hilarity and publicity on social media (should he wisely choose to have it emblazoned across his white van) might encourage him to waive his bill.

To be fair, we’ve been through rains that would make Noah balk this winter, which has rendered (sorry) continuation of the job nigh on impossible. But now spring has sprung and we’ve glimpsed the sun over Bindon Hill in West Lulworth, he’s back with a team of one, armed with regular sustenance of Doritos and Monster energy drink.

Rendering is the final big job on The Shack. No fur coat and no knickers, thank you very much. Our knickers have been paid over-the-odds for and come in well over budget.

I say “final job”, conveniently bypassing the elephantine decorating project that waves its heavy trunk around each room, casually trumpeting my reluctance to wield a paint roller. But this too, I have now begun. I don’t actually mind decorating. I’ll stick the radio, an audiobook or some podcast on, and off I go, clad in paint-splattered overalls, clattering around the house with my stepladder. One thing that does irritate me about decorating is the prep beforehand and the cleaning up afterwards. The lurid green Frog Tape I’ve purchased at a tenner a roll could stretch to the moon and back; and trying to clean gloss paint off brushes with foul-smelling white spirits is the bane of my life. Added to this- my wife insists that I do the job properly, so I find myself washing the walls with sometime called sugar-soap – a step I would gleefully miss out were the wonderful lady not overseeing. And then there’s the splashes on the new engineered- wood floor that we’ll try to ignore…

In the meantime, as it’s been some time since an update dear reader, I’ll leave you with a few quick snaps of progress. The daffs are out, Reggie the Tortoise has reappeared from hibernation, and all eyes now turn to the garden – the subject of a number of new posts over coming months, I am sure…